Categories
Prose

Cancel Sandman

Delete the dream police. Cancel sandman. The rain will soothe and cleanse. The audience pretends.

Void the mystic doormen. Bouncers bounce at Simon’s orders. The pain will groove and shred. The audience is dead.

Smile against the fire. Token esteem wasted in the first scene. The lovers will join your fight. The audience was right.

Scream into the twilight. Sunset boulevard car crash. The others set you on fire. The audience a choir.

This shadow isn’t big enough for the both of us. You’ll have to get into mine, or be left behind. Should have stepped up. Instead you messed up. And all the string and feelings and wine and music can’t fix it.

I can unbreak this egg. Can you unswallow that bitter pill?

Categories
Prose

Sweltering

The heat collapses into melody, baring souls no longer present. A wild memory appears. It is super effective. The mind establishes the Moria bridge, refusing to move or die. Shadows fill the stands, silently cheering.

This time, simply existing is winning. A harder game, when doing nothing seems the wrong move. The wrong love. Cross. Don’t fight. Don’t remember or look back. Quests no longer lie in the swelter. The other side of the pillow beats the south side of the sky.

Magic is real. It’s just hard to perform.

Categories
Prose

You Can’t Go Back

Idle twist with benefits, one, two, three. Desires that take thorns through skin, but never bleed. How many feelings does it take to get to the center of my soul? The world many never know. I may never know. It’s a secret that nobody knows.

Icicles form in summer skies dripping from my eyes. I am cold, and warmth took a holiday. Yet, I burn.

You can never go back. Ever. Back is a nuclear holocaust wrapped in plastic, so it’s toxic and can’t breathe, and skin ripples, and tears pour into wine glasses blood red so everyone can have one.

I revolve around a barycenter between me and the idea of you. Maybe it’s not the best idea I’ve ever had, but it seemed like a good one at the time. Shut up. Stop. Let me bring the center back inside myself and put it between my head and heart again.

Categories
Philosophy

Bitter Cold, Bitter Me

She was here and then she left. It’s not like it’s even been that long, but I still feel alone. This snow, and this pandemic, both are so isolating and depressing. On the rare occasions I feel depressed, I want to reach out.

But I can’t. Because I promised myself I would never go back. No one from the past.

For various reasons, I have shed people. Some are simply ghosts, disappearing without a trace and me, with no energy left to chase them. Many are gone for cause, good reasons I think. Not being a friend. Acting out their pasts on me. Taking advantage of my good nature, which fills my cynical cup up just a little more.

Some I loved, or could have loved, if not for that one fatal flaw. Some for a plethora of fatal flaws, but who’s counting? A few didn’t care to keep talking to me, so why should I try? You know, that situation where you decide to see what happens if you don’t always make the first move, send the first text… and then you never hear from them again.

So be it. I’ll wait for people who want my company. They’ll be worth it.

Categories
Lyrics

Have A Look At Yourself

If you really don’t care about anyone
Why do you have notifications on?
Why don’t you make your vacations long?
Why are your celebrations so wrong?

Do you need someone?
Don’t they have to come to you?
Do you need somebody new
Already?
Maybe you need some rest
What are you going through?
Have you had a good look at you?
Unsteady

Are you dumb enough to come out of the rain?
Won’t it wash you clean?
Maybe the pain of the cold
Is just what you need?

Don’t you need someone?
Do they have to be a certain way?
Would it do to have anyone
Available?
Maybe your restlessness
Is a warning sign?
Have you had a good look at you?
Miserable

Categories
Lyrics

Unraveling You

Sitting alone
In the room with the view
Listening to the rain come down
Unraveling you
I can feel my heart beat slowly
It won’t always beat strong
But when it does it’s because
I thought of something
We both called home

Something to hide when you see his name
On your mobile screen
A wink and I ask if you’re ashamed
Of technology
We both know what’s going on
I’ll be okay here
You can get up and leave
I’ll be looking out for myself
So don’t look back at me

We could have had everything
And in a way I do
I just didn’t know I’d have it all
Without any of you

Sitting alone
In that room with the view
Feeling the pain subside
Unraveling you
I can feel my heart beat steady
I don’t think it will be long
But when it comes it’s because
I thought of something
I created alone

Something to have and someone to hold
When you’re away from me
I think I asked you if I’m to blame
Tried to give an apology
We both know it’s going wrong
You can stay here
You can pack up and leave
(Doesn’t matter)
I’ll be taking pieces of you
Out of pieces of me

We could have had everything
And in a way I do
I just didn’t know I’d have it all
Without any of you

Categories
Prose

My Favorite Season Is Falling In Love

I fell and tripped and caught myself, and caught myself staring, and stared back at the past, and stared at you until you looked back, wondering why I looked so intently. Intensely, as if a car crash had become a field of flowers that I couldn’t see enough of.

You danced on the edge of my reality as the vaguely sweet smell of the season of you filled the air. I ordered you, sipped your delicious flavors, savored your scintillating aromas, drank you in, and felt your warmth. My name was on your cup, along with exactly what I wanted.

Could I have chosen more wisely? I didn’t trust myself. I hadn’t become good at the other person, only myself. I relied on you to be good at us until I could practice. You showed me a thing or two. You taught me a few tricks and tips. I shared with you everything I knew, but you were all I knew when you were around.

My watch stopped. I stopped watching for the next one and the next one. This is where I wanted to be. You were where I wanted to be. You were the scenery and the journey and the cabin on the lake. You were the fireplace and the snowflakes on my tongue. You were home.

When I was a child, I’d fall asleep here, and wake up there. It was always my favorite trick, until you came along and made my walls disappear.

Categories
Lyrics Poetry

Missing Everything

A fever
Taking you out so you don’t have it all
Together
Making out like you still want it all
I’m leaving
You’re taking too long to make up your mind
Believe it
Believe it

When did it happen?
Is it happening now?
Can I make you forget it was you?
Is it something I caused?
Is it something I did?
Is it something I could hold you through?
How many times have you thought about this?
Should I try to make you change your mind?
How many lines do I write about this?
Should I be the one to cry this time?

I drop my eyes and look away
Cause I can’t think of anything to say
I close my eyes and just listen
Try to remember what it is about you I’m missing
Everything

Confusing
I’ll figure me out so you don’t have to guess
About me
Scratching your head because I’m such a mess
A feeling
You’re not gonna believe what I said this time
Believe it
Believe it

When did it happen?
Is it happening now?
Can I make you forget it was you?
Is it something I caused?
Is it something I did?
Is it something I could hold you through?
How many times have you thought about this?
Should I try to make you change your mind?
How many lines do I write about this?
Should I be the one to cry this time?

I drop my eyes and look away
Cause I couldn’t think of anything to say
I close my eyes and just listen
Try to remember what it is about you I’m missing
Everything

Categories
Lyrics Poetry

A New Year In Every Time Zone

I’m feeling ‘inside’ today
Watching the rain or the snow
A fire to guide me
To my own private spaces
Inner reflections
Introspection
Entering a new year
Like opening a door
To a room I just discovered

It’s a metaphor
What is this ‘meta’ for?
What is this medicine for?
I hope I feel okay

Not feeling too alive today
Watch me complain again
My own thoughts guide me
To unexplored territory
Entering interesting
Exiting expectations
Leaving me behind
Like opening up
To old flames and new lovers

It’s a metaphor
What is this ‘meta’ for?
What is this medicine for?
I hope I feel okay

Categories
Lyrics Poetry

This Reality Thing Is Going Viral

Crushing all these moments
Airbound stepping stones
Pressured into diamonds
Only far less faceted

Aching for connections
Pen pals for playmates
It’s my real neck on your fake block
A sword of homecoming

This could catch on
The graphics are amazing
Effects surreal
Costumes and playthings
This could take off
Upward downward spiral
Wrapped around our fingers
Reality goes viral

In and out and in again
It’s all just molecules
Breathe in and breathe out again
Running up that hill with problems

Waiting for rejection
Words on screen are screaming
It’s your real foot on my fake chest
A day of wrecking feelings