Categories
Prose

You Can’t Go Back

Idle twist with benefits, one, two, three. Desires that take thorns through skin, but never bleed. How many feelings does it take to get to the center of my soul? The world many never know. I may never know. It’s a secret that nobody knows.

Icicles form in summer skies dripping from my eyes. I am cold, and warmth took a holiday. Yet, I burn.

You can never go back. Ever. Back is a nuclear holocaust wrapped in plastic, so it’s toxic and can’t breathe, and skin ripples, and tears pour into wine glasses blood red so everyone can have one.

I revolve around a barycenter between me and the idea of you. Maybe it’s not the best idea I’ve ever had, but it seemed like a good one at the time. Shut up. Stop. Let me bring the center back inside myself and put it between my head and heart again.

Categories
Poetry

Life, Love, And Sleeping In

Life imagines us piece by piece, creating us from raindrops and beach sand and autumn leaves. Colors, sadness and tranquility blown by the wind carve ruts in our skin, reminding us of what is missing. 


Love molds us with hands and caresses, asking us what we want, what shape we should take, how many times we should kiss, until the clouds and smoke bring us down to ground level, shaking the earth beneath our feet.

Categories
Lyrics

Spiral

When we made mistakes
They were grand and majestic
When we admitted we were wrong
Well, we never did that
When we kissed our lives seemed to drop away
Our worries seemed to drop away
Away
When we woke the next morning
We pretended to be late for something
Anything

I held the darkness in my golden arms
I tried to make the flowers grow
I danced alone in my imagining
I sat in the chair
And the radio reminded me of you

When I poured your wine
I was pouring you
When I drank a toast
I was drinking you
When I drank too much
I was full of you
When I fell asleep
I was dreaming you
I woke up and got up
Up
And I was wanting you
I broke up and teared up
Up
And it tore me down

I held the secrets in my memories
I tried to make them go away
I sang our songs to the atmosphere
And it sang back to me
The echoes of what never was

Categories
Story

She Calls Me Home

She woke up and immediately knew she was alone. Sensing his absence from their plush bed was probably the catalyst. She threw on a silk robe and went on a hunt for him through the house they had built together.

She felt him deeply. Their connection had always been strong, but lately it had felt intense, as though they experienced the same senses with the same body. As though they were one. She felt a deep sadness, which concerned her.

She saw him through the glass door of his office, holding papers and glancing at his laptop, sobbing. She watched him, admiring his shoulders and his strength, but appreciating his vulnerability.

She silently opened the door, closing it behind her, and walked quietly around his desk to him. She took the papers out of his hands, sat in his lap facing him, and just held him dearly. He didn’t say a word. He just allowed her to be close, and put his arms around her, closing his eyes.

“Tell me.”

“I had a terrible dream. You were gone, and I couldn’t find you. You were lost to me, and I had to go back to the beginning, our beginning. I came down here half-asleep to read and experience how we began. To remember…”

“I’m right here. I’m never going anywhere.”

“I know, but… you had not simply left. You were dead. I couldn’t stand the thought of being without you. I had to feel all of you again, to bring you back. I can’t lose you.”

“It seems to have worked. Here I am, and I won’t ever leave you.”

She held him close, kissing his forehead and lips, and he visibly relaxed, still sobbing. He held her tighter than she had ever known, relaxing in tranquil bliss.

He had her, and she gave him happiness. He thought of all the times they had shared, all the experiences, and smiled. Like a switch that had been flipped, he suddenly became exquisitely aware of the feel of her skin on his, of their glowing love for one another, the mysterious way time flew by and stopped when they were together.

“I love you.” He was moved by her beauty, her long hair, her deep eyes that captivated him, her delicious curves beneath the silk. He was also moved by her devotion to him, and the total happiness and contentment he felt when he was with her. She had changed his life in so many ways.

“I love you, too.” He stood up with her still in his arms, and headed upstairs back to bed. She wouldn’t let him feel this sadness ever again. How could he? She was everything, and she was right here.

The robe fluttered to the floor…

Categories
Poetry Prose

Mysterious Person Singular

Your eyes, and you are so unsure. You, singular.
We’re unsure.
I’m uncertain of any given moment, any given time, any given motive or meaning. But I hope this helps.

When I fly, and the drink cart comes around, I don’t ask for water, or carbonated beverages. I always ask for tomato juice. The reason is that when you ask for a carbonated beverage or water, they pour you half a can over ice, and save the rest for the next person. But people rarely order tomato juice. When I order that, they always give me the whole can. It could spoil if they risk keeping it, and no one orders it. I get it all to myself.

You are that. You, mysterious person singular. Maybe no one else wants you, or asks about you. But I do. I want all of you. I want to experience every bit of you, all I can, before you disappear, and you will. Before someone or something takes you away, and they will. I want to be up in the clouds, enjoying you, knowing you, knowing that you’re all mine for that given moment, that given time, no motive, perhaps no meaning other than mutual enjoyment.

I want to be the only one who holds you.

Categories
Lyrics Poetry

Missing Everything

A fever
Taking you out so you don’t have it all
Together
Making out like you still want it all
I’m leaving
You’re taking too long to make up your mind
Believe it
Believe it

When did it happen?
Is it happening now?
Can I make you forget it was you?
Is it something I caused?
Is it something I did?
Is it something I could hold you through?
How many times have you thought about this?
Should I try to make you change your mind?
How many lines do I write about this?
Should I be the one to cry this time?

I drop my eyes and look away
Cause I can’t think of anything to say
I close my eyes and just listen
Try to remember what it is about you I’m missing
Everything

Confusing
I’ll figure me out so you don’t have to guess
About me
Scratching your head because I’m such a mess
A feeling
You’re not gonna believe what I said this time
Believe it
Believe it

When did it happen?
Is it happening now?
Can I make you forget it was you?
Is it something I caused?
Is it something I did?
Is it something I could hold you through?
How many times have you thought about this?
Should I try to make you change your mind?
How many lines do I write about this?
Should I be the one to cry this time?

I drop my eyes and look away
Cause I couldn’t think of anything to say
I close my eyes and just listen
Try to remember what it is about you I’m missing
Everything

Categories
Poetry

Tides Tied Up

You flow in and out
Like waves on the beach
Violently calm
Shaking, I relax
Your waves erase my messages
Lovingly drawn in the sand
Leaving nothing but smooth silence
Dreams crashing at my feet

Categories
Lyrics

I Just Took A DNA Test And I’m 100% That Drink

We met, two people
You stepped into that puddle
And I dried your eyes
Like a wish granted
You got inside and lived in me
In the sweetest of ways
Perfect nights
Gifted days

You came into my eyes with style and grace
I came to curse the day I couldn’t see your face
A supercharged feeling that I couldn’t replace
Now it feels like nothing
Your eyes told me something that I needed to hear
The nights we held each other so impossibly near
I felt like I could do anything
Now I feel like nothing

There was a light that would never go out
But it went out, when you went out with him
I can’t just go back to what could have been
A gift taken for granted
You left me behind and drifted
In the cruelest of ways
Sinking nights
Twisted days

You came into my eyes with style and grace
I came to curse the day I couldn’t see your face
A supercharged feeling that I couldn’t replace
Now it feels like nothing
Your eyes told me something that I needed to hear
The nights we held each other so impossibly near
I felt like I could do anything
Now I feel like nothing

You want to talk but we can’t go back again
You can’t slam the door in my face
And then knock for closure
You want to walk hand in hand
But I’ll be thinking of you with him
Maybe you can’t stand to be alone
But I can, and it’s over

We were falling in love
We were falling in love
We were falling in love
Now we’re just falling

Categories
Prose

On Pinky Swearing

In that same place, the place where we spoke of futures and things to come, I sat alone and thought. Shivers ran through my body like shadows of kaleidoscope, twisting and changing into ever more interesting shapes. Your fingertips grazed my imagination, and my lips caressed your magic and our destiny.

Could there be any other way? Could there be any other place? Impossible, your eyes argued. Agreed, my hands conceded. Don’t you ever leave me again, your mouth beckoned. Never, my body promised.

We shook hands… in our own way.

Categories
Prose

What I Meant To Say

Vague responses to clear cut questions mean repeats, repeats, repeats. The ice melts. It never really broke, did it?

He was there, and you didn’t warn me. And again today, you didn’t warn me. The pink flags were there, edging red, daring me to pull out.

I can’t pull this off anymore, but I can pull the wool off my eyes. I wasn’t pushing you away, but I can push the envelope. I wasn’t dragging this out, but it was a drag.

I miss you, goddammit.